“I’m at my wit’s end. I am trying to figure out where to send Elroy for basketball camp. There are SO many camps.”

DARWIN (neighbor father of a basketball player)

“Hilda, let me help you out here a little bit. Our first kid, Nomar, went to every camp imaginable. I was a neophyte. I didn’t know an artichoke from an onion. Total disaster. Enormous waste of time and money.”

HILDA:

“I’m a little bit surprised at your admission. You have always seemed like the sober, responsible kind? How about this Ty Lawson camp?

DARWIN (ignoring Hilda’s dig):

“Perish THAT thought right now. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES send Elroy to any camp where a professional basketball player puts his name on it unless you want to subsidize a millionaire who could care less about Elroy.

HILDA (can’t decide if she is of the 1% or the 99%):

“How about the high school camp or that camp at the college?

DARWIN (being very patient like you would be to the guy on the corner who fell on his head at the barn raising):

“Remember when your basement flooded and I hooked you up with my insurance guy?

HILDA:

“How could I forget? He…you saved us $3,000?

DARWIN:

“So, trust me when I tell you that the camp you have to go to is the EDGE CAMP.”

HILDA (a little bit too petulant for someone who should be eternally in debt):

“What’s so great about this EDGE camp?

DARWIN takes her hand in both of his and speaks slowly but earnestly.

DARWIN:

“Hilda, my neighbor, you’ve met my daughter, Hilary?

HILDA:

“I should say so. I’ve trusted her with my children at the pool for years. Maybe the best person I’ve ever met with sunscreen.”

DARWIN:

“Well, Hilary went from bench warmer in 6th grade to starting for her high school team this year.”

HILDA:

“Really?

DARWIN:

“Yes. She learned how to dribble and shoot at the Edge camp.”

HILDA:

“Is that important? This dribbling and shooting?”

DARWIN (looks at Hilda like her next stop is where they place the feeble-minded):

“Here’s what I will do. I’ll take Elroy over to the Edge camp myself. He’ll be a whole different player in a week’s time.”

HILDA:

“Well, if you feel that strongly about this Edge camp…you haven’t steered me wrong yet. I’ll have Elroy ready at 8:30.”

The conversation between Hilda and Darwin takes place thousands of times this time of year. Be Darwin and not Hilda.

Darwin is a direct descendant of Charles Darwin and we know how he turned out. Hilda’s people, on the other hand, are Cub fans. I think we know where they stand in the cosmos.

Get your registrations in!

Peace!

Mike